Work it outtt...

wooohh boyy last night was quite hectic. Obviously a Saturday night is bumpin' at a restaurant but your girl here got strapped with a table of 14 and threee other tables. Needless to say i was a tad bit overwhelmed and it tested my anxiety, but somehow my coolerr head prevailed and i made it through and came out with a whoppingg $200 yahoo!! time for a mani/pedi with this mulahhh! Not much exciting has happened in between now and my last post i basically just worked allll last night which is fine because i spent a good chunk of change in South Carolina so it was good to replenish my stashhh of cash :)! I'm going to work again tonight which is fine cuz Sundays arent so hopppin'. Last night one of my co-workers made a comment to me and said "girl you are like WAY too skinny you need to go eat like 100 chicken fingers, NOW!" im not like bragging or anything because this honestly upset me. I am working really hard to gain weight and that insensitive comment really drove me caaarazy! but i just smiled and walked away counting to about 100 so i didnt say something i would regret. haaaa but what can you do. im off to pluck the caterpillars on my face...tmi? maybe but the truth hurts. have a fab sunday!

Carolinaaaa Girls, best in the world.....

Me and my best friend Kris



Me, Jess & Maddie

My bffl's!

Me and my kappa lovelies!

SO it has been quite a loong time since i posted last, and mannnn vaca was INCREDIBLEEEE! I put up some pics from my trip! I was backkk down south with my ladiesss and partying it up. It was so good to see everyone again and it was like i never left because that it how truely fab my friends are. They are the most supportive girls ever. anddd on the even brighter side i got an apartment for next year!! i was going to live with one of my friends but im not 100% sure shes coming back so i got a single right under a bunch of my girlfraaands. but anywhoo down there was great i struggled a bit staying on sched for eating and lost a little weight, but i guess that just happens when you are out of your routine. I had a good time drinking and chilling with my best friends and it just got me excited for next year. It really made me realize what i have to get better for and there is no room for a relapseee because Ed wont make me happy, health will. I realized that when i put myself into incredibly nerve wracking social situations and just Let Go i always have a great time. when i listen to Meagan and not Ed my worlddd is magicall!! Anways i am venturing back into the world of therapy because my anti-depressants havent exactly been cutting it...has anyone found therapy really beneficial?? in the past i havent but im curious if it was just me not investing fully, do any of you ladies get A LOT out of therapy?

have a lovely saturday xoxo

Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-check it outttt

Ok, ok soooo it has been a LONGGG time since i have been a good little blogette and posted, but i have been going through some stuff. Long story short i should NEVER weigh myself EVER and i will add another NEVER EVER in there. It through me for a loop and a half and i literally went into sort of a deep depression. I realized i couldnt fit in my jeans and i just broke down, but no fear i reallyyy went to my mom for help instead of hiding just how awful i felt and i am currently doing better and have gotten back on track. Now that is not to say i am totally comfortable with my weight gain, that will take a while, but i am not isolating and im off to good ol' South Carolina tomorrow and see my lovely Kappas!!! I'm so excited so back off Ed and dont rain on my parade! anywhoo i dont have any pics right now because i have been lazy but im writing to let you know i am alivee and somewhat well and i will be back in action posting for you loverrrly ladies. Much love, peace out!

Yumm-o

Currently i'm watching Rachael Ray, hence my title...and i'm getting ready for work blahh. Today I don't have classes sooo on tuesdays and thursdays i always work lunch which isnt bad because i usually end up with like $50 in tips for doing barely any waitinggg. But anyyway i cant really describe how i have been feeling lately. About a week ago i was in a HUGE rut and admittedly i was extremely depressed but i feel like since i have been back on meds the mood is better and i would also hope to contribute it to the fact that i am nourished now and that helps the mood out too. I often get urges to restrict and i have to go back in my head and list out every pro to following my meal plan, and while it takes a while it usually works, which leads me to my dinner last night. I had Grilled Chicken, Garden Salad and wait for it wait for it..PASTA, it is my numero uno fear food and i made quite a large list of pros in my head as to why I should and it and by golly i didnt and i'm still alive to talk about it. I just want anyone else who is reading this and struggling to know that it is possible to get through it, because i feel like i am getting stronger and stronger every time i give myself a little challenge, and i do have my off days but im starting to believe that recovery is possiblee. ok so soorryy for the long post have a gloriousss thursdayyy. love love love


My Dinnerr last night!

Back in Actionnn

Sorry I haven't written in a few days I have been SOO busy with work. I have worked like 4 days straight and wooo are my feet tireddd. Well first I will re-cap today's eats.

Breakfast: Heart 2 Heart w/ banannerr
and Cottage cheese w/ some strawberries

Snack uno: Choco Chip Clif bar and some grapes

Lunch: Hummy, Spinach and Swiss Cheese Sammy on Whole Wheat

Aftahhhnoon Snacky: Fage 2% w/ some strawberry Preserves and a Dark Chocolate Coconut Kashi Bar

Dinnerrr: Salad w/grilled Salmon

and a half a grapefruittt and some Soy Milk deliciousness

Dessert: Micro'd Choco Chip Z Bar w/ Stonyfield Vanilla yogurttt mmm

Anywayy this week/weekend has been insane with work. I think I really need to cut down on shifts. I took this job to keep me occupied while living at home because all my friends are at school and I am kind of stuck here at home. While work has kept me VERY occupied i feel like it may be keeping me a little toooo occupied and it becomes a crutch to use Ed behaviors. I can go to work all day and skip meals and tell myself its okay it just happened by accident. (Ed LIES) sooo i feel like i need to cut down on the amount I am working and focus just a bit more on school even though it is completely unchallenging and BOOORING!! This week however, being back on cymbalta and all has been quite fab because my mood has been lifted. I also feel proud of myself (patsss self on back) because last night my parents had a little dinner party and instead of avoiding and pretending that I already ate i sat down with everyone and enjoyed a really yummy meal of grilled chicken, baked potato and a raspberry walnut spinach salad.VERY good and a plentiful amount of realllyyy nice wine. I enjoyed a NORMAL meal and felt really accomplished to have no guilt after,even though i was unable to induldge in the brownies,but oh well its all baby steps....HAPPY TUESDAY everyone and have a good night